After a couple of weeks of unending insomnia and anxiety I’ve decided to try some new things. I recognized after a week had passed that this wasn’t just one of my PTSD waves. After a visit with my Naturopath it seems that my liver and spleen have been taxed with my stress hormones and were not processing them properly which was making me feel awful. So now I am sporting some lovely acupressure ear buds, detoxing when I can, and I’m back in therapy.
I have a new therapist. I like her. I have nothing against her at all. I am just frustrated with the process of having to get to know someone again, trust someone new with my feelings, and resume my EMDR process. I had been making great progress and feeling like I was “good to go” when my previous therapist informed me she was leaving the practice and wouldn’t be seeing client’s anymore in her new role. I tested the waters of life on my own for a bit but it seems my brain isn’t there yet. All of this work, everything I do to stay balanced and well, is wearing on me. I told my husband a few weeks ago that I am so ready to be able to go out again and not have to consider 101 things before I walk into my destination. Will it be too loud? Do I have enough of my anxiety arsenal items to get me through it? Will I be home in time to take my medication? If I am not home in time, what will my next few days feel like? Will I sleep okay? You get the idea…it’s a rabbit hole I go down each time a social event gets placed on our calendar. I am missing some of the “old” me.
I say “some” because I don’t miss all of her and that’s for sure. I was a mess! Constant debilitating anxiety, depression, insomnia, trying to cope with unhealthy tools, my skin was wrecked, my issues affected relationships I might never get back and miss, I was tired all the time, I had forgotten my faith, and most importantly, I was too sick to use my real gifts. Having realized all of that now, I still want to be able to enjoy an adult beverage again with a girlfriend or spend time in social settings with people I love and feel safe. And of course, I miss my Skinnygirl margaritas!!
So, as I add some new modalities to my line-up; like acupuncture, dry-brushing, new supplements, and the aforementioned new therapist, I am asking you for prayers. Prayers for peace and guidance from God. I believe in His plan now more than ever and trust that He will be faithful to me as I navigate this hiccup in my healing process.
“I love the person I’ve become, because I fought to become her.”