I’m happy to be writing again today! We have been so busy with the kids lately and with my husband being gone all last week I have been neglecting my blog. I have, however, been doing plenty of work on myself and taking extra care of my health for good reason.
Last week I started another phase of weaning off my last medication. It’s a tough one. Klonopin.
I want to preface this by saying I am under the care of a trauma therapist and naturopath and we are all working on this together. After my hospitalization last August I was prescribed .5 mg nightly for sleep and in May I started cutting these in half and experienced some minor withdrawal symptoms. I relied on my tools; acupuncture and other natural supplements and seemed to power through the side effects pretty quickly. If any of you have taken this drug, or have chosen to live without it after using it, you know that this isn’t an easy drug to go without. I am doing this slowly and carefully and hope to be done with it by the end of the year.
So last Friday night I lined up my pills before bed and took one last look at the .25 mg dose of Klonopin and I said “sayonara” and cut it in half. It crumbled into pieces in my hand and I washed it down with some water and a smile. I knew this decision would make me sick. I accept that it is the next step on my healing journey. Another leap closer to being able to enjoy a girl’s night out - complete with a glass of wine. A huge spring forward towards my finish line still with just a few more hurdles in front of me.
I understand that this medication helped me through a very difficult time in my life and for that I am grateful, but I also know what it has done to me. I understand how it has changed the chemistry in my brain. I know I am addicted to it and that’s why it is hard both physically and mentally to come off it. I also know that like part of any healing journey this will hurt for a little while and then I’ll resume my business as usual. Most importantly I know that I have better coping skills now and a greater understanding of my PTSD diagnosis then I ever have before. I will be able to live with this challenge because as I was reminded by my naturopath, Dr. Wallace, I am my greatest tool. I know what it takes to persevere and fight and I will.
In the meantime, I’m relying on my many skills and praying these side effects work their way through my system quickly.
I am working on a couple of projects over the next few weeks that I am excited to share with all of you soon and Jeff and I are headed to a Strength to Strength retreat on November 17th in New York City. Strength to Strength is an organization that supports terrorist attack survivors, bereaved family members and spouses of survivors. We are so excited to be going to this retreat together and ask for your prayers for greater healing while we are gone…also, since you are praying already maybe say an extra one for my dad who has agreed to watch our treasures while we are gone!